Both my parents are movie buffs, and I grew up in a house where the television was always on, whether we were watching it or not. While they were on the whole fairly careful about censoring my viewing choices, they did slip up sometimes. I saw Gremlins and Ghostbusters when I was way too young and, as a consequence, I still have Gremlin nightmares, in which I know the little nasties are in the house and I have to turn on all the lights and search in all the cabinets to find them.
Once, my dad was home sick with me when I was eight or nine years old, and he put Red Dawn in the VCR for me to watch; and then fell asleep. I was traumatized and depressed for a few days after that. And my grandmother insisted that I watch Braveheart when I was eleven, despite the fact that I showed her the “R” rating on the VHS box multiple times.
I realize, of course, that some kids cut their teeth on Freddy and Jigsaw, but for me, these were traumatic experiences.
I can’t lay all the blame on my family, though. Truth be told, some part of me longed to watch scary movies and television shows. Even now, I’m still somehow fascinated by fear. But back in the day, when the sun went down, I was terrified, and come bedtime, I would lie awake for hours listening for ghoulish wails or scratching under the bed. I can remember lying in bed, closing my eyes every few seconds and then snapping them open to scan the room for any menacing form that might materialize. I spent every night from 1986 through 1994 in utter terror that some ghastly evil would lay hold of me.
Strangely, this ubiquitous terror was balanced with a weird sort of ambition that I can tie directly to eating, breathing, and living Star Wars from age’s three to ten. I grew up identifying with Luke Skywalker, and I’m ashamed to say that, though I never would have articulated it as such, I too considered myself “the chosen one” with a great destiny awaiting me. I had always felt that I was called to fight some great evil or injustice.
Finally, this ambition and this fear met in the world of the Universal Monsters and in the movie The Monster Squad. I caught the last ten minutes of The Monster Squad on HBO at my cousin’s house when I was eight years old, and I was instantly captivated. Somehow I convinced my mom to let me rent it, and I kept on renting the same VHS copy over and over again, once or twice a year, until I was twenty-two and my wife unknowingly bought me a pirated DVD.
Here, in this film that had come and gone with little fanfare, I had found the perfect expression of my young life - a film in which it is up to a group of kids to defeat not only evil, but the Ultimate Evil. With little fear and no hesitation, they bravely take up arms against Dracula, the very Prince of Darkness himself, and his assorted minions of malevolence.
Written by Shane Black and Fred Dekker (get it – Black and Dekker?), and premiering in August of 1987, The Monster Squad is a horror comedy directed toward a younger crowd - a sort of amalgamation of The Little Rascals and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, with a healthy dose of The Goonies thrown in for “modern” appeal.
The movie begins with a wonderfully atmospheric prologue set in the waning years of the 18th century as legendary vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing and his bold companions set upon Dracula’s Transylvanian castle in an effort to rid the world of his evil forever. But things go south fast, shrieking skeletons erupt from the ground, a girl gets sucked into a temporal vortex, and the action abruptly shifts to the “present day”, where we are introduced to a group of young misfits obsessed with monsters and horror movies.
Sean, the group’s leader, is brave, appealing, and charismatic. His young sister, Phoebe, is intelligent and precocious and loves to tag along with the boys, much to their chagrin. His best friend, Patrick, is capable and loyal. Their friends, Fat Kid (a.k.a. Horace), Eugene, and Rudy (the oldest, and a rebel in the mold of James Dean) round out the rest of squad.
In an astronomically improbable turn of events, Sean’s mother finds Van Helsing’s diary at a garage sale held on the grounds of an old, scary mansion on the outskirts of town. (Never mind how or why the diary ended up at a palatial home in what appears to be the southern United States.) Sean is delighted by the unexpected find, but is disappointed to discover the diary is written in German.
Meanwhile, strange events begin to encircle the town like an eerie and ominous cloud. An ancient mummy disappears from the museum. A man who claims to be a werewolf is shot, but his body disappears from an ambulance and the driver is found horribly mauled. And a stranger by the name of Alucard (how clever – Dracula obviously didn’t major in cryptology) has been making calls in hopes of buying the Van Helsing diary.
Suspicious and left little choice, the boys are forced to seek the help of a reclusive neighbor they call Scary German Guy. Translating the diary, Scary German Guy tells them that Van Helsing’s disciples hid an indestructible amulet at the old mansion that, when combined with an ancient ritual, has the power to imprison evil forever. However, every hundred years at midnight, the amulet becomes vulnerable, and if the forces of evil can destroy it, then they will have uncontested dominion over the earth. In his last entry, Van Helsing describes the ceremony necessary to banish evil and prepares to do battle with the forces of darkness.
As luck (or screenwriting) would have it, the final entry is dated precisely 100 years ago. Nothing stands against the legions of unspeakable evil except a band of pre-teens. With the help of Scary German Guy and another surprising ally, the Monster Squad must find the amulet, defeat Dracula, and save the world.
I’ll admit that The Monster Squad isn’t a masterpiece. It has plot holes big enough to accommodate a semi and it’s populated by a band of B-list actors. But, it accomplishes what it sets out to do, and at the very least, it’s an enjoyable film with endearing characters, campy humor, and memorable dialogue. (One line from the film has even gained semi-mythic status, and become something of a battle cry among the geek community.)
The cinematography is rich and vibrant and the terrific score by Bruce Broughton perfectly captures the gothic iconography of the classic Universal Monster films, lifting the whole production with it crackling excitement and authentic heft. The fantastic make-up and costumes by the legendary Stan Winston are the beating heart of the picture. His designs for Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Mummy, the Wolfman, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon (known here as “Gillman” for legal reasons) are an intriguing blend of classic nostalgia and mixed with a harder, modern edge.
While none of the stars may headline a marquee, they are efficient in their roles. The kids are all appealing and full of personality. Tom Noonan infuses Frankenstein’s Monster with a simple, touching pathos. Canadian actor Duncan Regehr is, for my money, the perfect screen Dracula. He is regal, and yet cold and brutal. His intensely piercing eyes and imposing stature exude a convincing menace. And he drives a car – a hearse with a silver skull hood ornament, no less. What other movie gives you Dracula driving the Death Mobile? Come on - that’s quality, folks.
While it’s all meant in good fun, some elements of The Monster Squad may disturb younger viewers. The make-up effects can be frightening and the violence in the film is often surprisingly unflinching. The monsters leave a path of brutalized extras in their wake, a few of the unholy villains are bloody dispatched, and the audience is given an extremely gory object lesson in the fact that there is only one way to kill a werewolf.
There’s also a fair amount of foul language in the movie, most of it spoken by the young members of the squad. Finally, Scary German Guy informs the boys that in order for the ritual to succeed and for the monsters to be defeated, the squad will need the help of an (apparently female) virgin. A good deal of the plot revolves around the squad’s efforts to procure a capable virgin, and includes some frank dialogue that parent’s might find difficult to explain to younger viewers.
If you’ve never heard of The Monster Squad, that’s because it failed miserably at the box office. Despite its failure, in many ways, it’s the quintessential example of an 80’s children’s movie. Like so many films of that decade, while it is aimed directly at kids and would certainly appeal to children, it is highly inappropriate for them. Parents wouldn’t let their kids go see it because it was too violent and adults avoided it because they sensed it was intended for a younger crowd. The film effectively eliminated any potential audience.
However, like the undead villains it portrays, The Monster Squad found new and unexpected life after its death. Unbeknownst to the cast, crew, and even the director, The Monster Squad slowly began to develop a cult following from fans like me who grew up watching it on cable and VHS. The film found a loyal and dedicated fan base among kids who probably never should have seen the movie in the first place.
Propelled by popular demand, The Monster Squad was finally released on a Two-Disc, Special DVD in July 2007. Young parents, who grew up with this film or those who are intrigued by the DVD’s kid-friendly packaging, may be tempted to grab it for their children. I would like nothing more than to tell you to run, not walk, to your local video store and find a copy. But, while I dearly love this movie, I can’t whole-heartedly recommend it for every family. Ultimately, parents will have to make their own call, but I would suggest that you honor the “PG-13” rating.
The Monster Squad is an underappreciated classic, erased unfairly from the memory of popular culture and relegated to a smaller life – a little known life, to be sure, but one greatly loved by its rabid followers. I truly hope that a new generation of fans will come to love it as I do – I just hope they’ll be a bit older when they join the Monster Squad.
Caution Rating: 7
