After a surprisingly arduous weekend of home improvement projects, I had finally put my tools aside and proclaimed a tenuous victory. It was a beautiful day, and my mind and body were finally at ease. I was in a good mood; and as I settled into the darkened theater, arm in arm with my lovely wife, I was prepared to cut Land of the Lost a bit of slack. I expected it to be dumb, but I was hoping it would at least be entertaining.
No such luck. Turns out it’s both dumb and boring. And it’s offensive for good measure. It’s a land of lost opportunity that sacrifices a talented cast and a dynamite concept at the altar of a humorless, unimaginative script and unremarkable production design, editing, cinematography, and direction. I generally try to see the good in any film, but this is one movie that challenges the validity of that concept.
Land of the Lost, based on the 70s TV series of the same name, stars Will Ferrell as Dr. Rick Marshall, a scientist and self-proclaimed genius whose outlandish theories are dismissed and discarded after a disastrous live interview on the Today show. Three years later Marshall is little more than a punch line and his theories are all but forgotten.
But Holly Cantrell (Anna Friel), a brilliant and adventurous doctoral candidate, hasn’t forgotten, and she’s a believer. Her faith inspires Marshall to complete his masterpiece: a device that can open a doorway to a dimension where past, present, and future meet.
The pair treks to a remote cave to test the device and hires a crude and bumbling local store owner, named Will (Danny McBride), to guide them. To it’s credit, the film moves quickly, and soon enough, the floor opens up, the bottom drops out, and Rick, Holly, and Will find themselves marooned in a world full of mutant insects, cranky dinosaurs, lecherous monkey-men, and lumbering alien lizards.
Now, I’ll admit this isn’t the smartest concept you’ll ever hear for a film, but it’s certainly one that’s full of potential. A world in-between time is a world without any limits; and no limits equal limitless possibilities. The writers could have drawn from a pool that is literally as wide as time and space itself, and yet they’ve delivered one of the most rote and by-the-numbers scripts ever to besmirch a screen.
The plot is trivial, predictable, and utterly devoid of any joy or wonder. In many ways, this seemed more like a rough cut than a major theatrical production. The film feels incomplete and hollow, like an outline that was never fleshed out.
It’s a sense that’s only exacerbated by the sparsely populated and unimaginatively decorated sets. The whole production feels like it was shot on the back lot and looks as if it was mounted by a high school stage manager on a shoe string budget. I suspect this may have been intentional, but unlike the cheesy costumes and silly special effects - which actually enhance the quirky mood of the film - these cheap-looking sets seem to have their roots in a genuine lack of creativity.
But, I could have forgiven all of these faults if the film had just been funny. Unfortunately, the action is neither suspenseful nor exciting, and the humor is awkward and forced. Some individual lines are funny, and a few of the comedic setups earn a couple of laughs, but on the whole, this film fails miserably where it counts the most. All of the best bits were already featured in the over-exposed trailer, and they failed to garner a chuckle or even a courtesy laugh in the showing I attended.
Land of the Lost relies far too heavily upon juvenile gross-out gags, potty humor, and explicit, crude, and often graphic sexual dialogue and innuendo. It’s sophomoric, but worse still, it’s nasty and surprisingly mean-spirited.
One throwaway racist remark and an extremely out-of-place bit of sacrilegious and irreverent humor are truly cringe-worthy. There are numerous drug references and one sequence features the cast tripping out on a native drug. A scene of unexpectedly graphic violence is played for laughs, and the film is full of some surprisingly strong language. Finally, Cha-Ka, a primitive missing link-like hybrid (who uses a spoken language that Holly conveniently and inexplicably understands) is the frequent target of Marshall’s rude and bigoted barbs.
This brings up what I believe is actually the film’s true Achilles heel: it’s desperately lacking in characters an audience can relate to or care about. Rick Marshall and Will Stanton are both boorish and repugnant, and they’re not easy to watch onscreen.
It’s rather strange, really, because Will Ferrell and Danny McBride have both played similar parts in other movies (in fact, Ferrell is basically playing the same role he’s already played dozens of times before, only this time with an added sense of unwarranted intellectual superiority) and despite these repellant characters, those other films have still managed to succeed.
But there’s something in their performances here, whether it’s their crudity, cruelty, or just a lack of any quality comedic material, that severely hobbles the production. And, of course, Ferrell gets ample screen time to show off his naked, gelatinous form; and as we all know, that’s never good for anyone.
On the other hand, Anna Friel is, by far, the best thing about Land of the Lost. Not only is she obviously the most attractive member of the cast – a lovely oasis in a desert of decidedly unattractive leads – but her character is quirky and likeable, and Friel plays her part well. She captures just the right mix of spunk, independence, and childlike wonder that should have been at the very heart of this picture. I really wish she could have ditched Farrell and McBride and taken the reins of the film all to herself.
Holly is the only redeemable character in the bunch. Rick and Will are little more than shallow braggarts wallowing in the mud of selfishness and self pity, but Holly is brave, smart, humble, forgiving, loyal, and kind. Unfortunately, while her character may be better written than the rest of the cast, it’s hard not to feel as if Anna Friel is misused and often objectified as a sexual idol and plaything for the perpetually adolescent males. By the time a bevy of nearly nude female slaves shows up toward the end of the movie, the filmmaker’s intentions can no longer be in doubt.
Land of the Lost is a bad film, and it is yet another stain on a rather disappointing cinematic summer. The real loser is Anna Friel. This should have been her breakthrough role, but it’s unlikely that many people will take notice of her engaging performance on the deck of this rapidly sinking ship. What a shame.
Caution Rating: 8
