Parental Role in Going for the Gifted Program, Retaining a Child Unnecessarily, Books
Going for the Gifted Program
Q: My second grader is always at the top of her class. The teacher has recommended that she be tested for the district’s gifted program. I know it is really excellent as several of my friends have children in it.
Since her admission to the program is based in part on a special test, I wonder how I can help her prepare for it. Will there be samples of similar tests that I can find online for her to take? Are there any other resources that would help her ace this test? How can I help her cope if she doesn’t get in the gifted class?
A: Your child’s teacher or the gifted program coordinator can tell you about what tests are being used in the selection process. The school may be using an IQ test, such as the WISC or Stanford-Binet. These test materials are closely guarded by their publishers although there is general information about them online. If you are bound and determined to find sample tests for your child to take, a search engine will help you find them online. We talked to several experts on gifted education who don’t think this approach will serve you well. It definitely could pressure your child and even cause test anxiety. Also, what happens if your child enters the program and can’t keep up?
What’s best is to follow the common sense advice of making sure your child has a good breakfast and is rested on the test day. Furthermore, reading to your child consistently, giving her a wide variety of experiences, and playing memory, math, and logic games will be far more effective than trying to outguess any test.
If you avoid making a big deal of your child being in the gifted program, she will cope very well if she isn’t. And you can handle not being the parent of a child in the gifted program by remembering that many other bright children will not quite meet the selection criteria.
Retaining a Child Unnecessarily
Q: I am considering holding my 10-year-old daughter back in fifth grade. My husband I are finding that as she gets older the other children in her class are far more mature than she is. I really believe that if she continues onto middle school, it will be detrimental to her. I think having one more year to mature would help her significantly. Her grades are okay with the exception of a problem area in math. We are also looking into a small private school.
I will be having a conference with her teacher soon to discuss everything. My daughter is against staying back, which is to be expected, but we just want what is best for her. It seems now is a good time to hold her back while she is still young. Is this the right thing to do?
A: Your daughter should not be held back just because she is immature, as time does not automatically make children more mature. To become appropriately mature for her age, your child probably needs to have more self-control. She has to learn to stop being ruled by her impulses and desires both at home and at school. Another important aspect of maturity is becoming responsible. This involves accepting personal accountability for one’s actions, acquiring good work habits, and becoming a reliable individual. You certainly can and should help your daughter improve her self-control and ability to take responsibility. The child’s teacher, counselor, and/or school psychologist should have good suggestions on how to do this.
We certainly can’t endorse retaining your child. Nearly every study shows it increases the possibility of children dropping out of school and having social and emotional problems. Your daughter’s reaction is the same as most students faced with retention. They rate it just behind losing a parent or going blind.
Do jump on fixing your daughter’s problems with math. Decide with the teacher how this can best be accomplished. And don’t expect retention to improve your child’s achievement as it usually has a negative effect on academic performance.
You are right the adjustment to middle school can be difficult for children. Your daughter might do better in a K-8 school or a small private one.
Books
Q: I bought my 4-year-old grandson a popular book but did not pre-read it. When I started reading it to him, I was shocked because the father lied to his son. How should I have handled this?
A: When you discovered that the father was lying to his son in this story, you should have regarded it as an opportunity to talk to your grandson about lying. Part of reading a book is talking about the content with children. Many classic children’s stories feature all kinds of misbehavior by adults and are commonly used to teach important values, such as telling the truth. Some of the “cautionary tales” are quite hair-raising.
Quickly glancing through a book before reading it to a child has two advantages. It will help you read the tale with more expression. It will also give you a quick impression of whether or not a book is age-appropriate for a child. There was probably no harm done by you reading your grandson this book, especially if you use the book as a stepping-stone to a conversation about what is and is not acceptable in his home.
